The Myth of Justified Abuse

Anna Kidman
Jul 23, 2024
6 min read

Many of the misconceptions surrounding domestic violence are encompassed by the myth of justified abuse. This myth is characterized by the idea that abuse is deserved or that certain factors justify it. This myth is also strongly related to the idea of victim blaming – both of which were present in the widely publicized Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial in 2022. During the trial, the public quickly took to social media to express their thoughts, many offering clear examples of the misconceptions that still underlie the issue of domestic violence. For instance, YouTube comments on clips of the trial found frequent reason to lay blame on Heard, saying things like, “she always ‘just happens’ to be filming him after she's provoked him into a rage with her endless and constant badgering.” Such comments are not unique to the Depp-Heard case. Indeed, they simply reflect attitudes that are often represented and perpetuated by the media as a whole.

The media commonly depicts abusers in a way that denotes a reason or justification for their abuse. In many films and television shows an “abuser is assigned a reason for his abusive behavior, such as mental illness, being a past abuse victim himself, and/or abuse of drugs and alcohol.” In the Depp-Heard trial, Depp testified about his childhood – his father left him, his mother was verbally, psychologically, and physically abusive, and he began using drugs at a young age. His substance abuse issues continued throughout his life and well into his relationship with Heard. While these were not presented as justification for abuse, Depp’s defense team undoubtedly had a reason for bringing them into court.

Indeed, it is not uncommon for abusers or bystanders to use their upbringing as a way to justify or partially excuse abuse. “He told me how his father was abusive to his mother and he hated him for it…I wanted to support him and be there for him in any way he needed me” – one survivor shares how her partner had used his past to garner sympathy from her, make her feel like she could be the one to love him unconditionally. He eventually began to exhibit the same abusive patterns his father once had.

Drugs and alcohol are also used to dismiss abuse. Dr. Scott Hampton, who works with domestic violence offenders and serves as director of Ending the Violence provides some insight into the issue. In one of his intervention groups, a domestic violence offender shared, “I used to believe that I only hit my wife because I was drunk, now I realize that I drank so that I could hit her.” Dr. Hampton explains that “alcohol does not have an agenda,” and that things we do when we’re drunk are things we at least thought about doing when we were sober. Thus, it is the offender that is responsible for the abuse, not the alcohol. Unfortunately, this truth is often overlooked, particularly among college students.

College students’ experience with and attitudes towards domestic violence are certainly influenced by their increased engagement with drugs and alcohol. Increased drug use may stem from high stress, family issues, social issues, mental health concerns, and other factors associated with the college experience. Social pressure and poor academic performance serve as additional triggers, and minimal parental supervision combined with greater access to alcohol, marijuana, MDMA, and other psychedelics leave relatively few barriers to substance use on college campuses.

Greek life and the college “party culture” often go hand-in-hand with substance use. These environments tend to reinforce victim-blaming and rape myth acceptance, and the substances they involve can lead to lowered inhibitions and increased aggression, sometimes resulting in sexual assault and dating violence. The attitudes perpetuated by this “party culture” often excuse such violence, empowering certain individuals to abuse others. The abusers may feel reassured by the environment and their social circles – that it’s unlikely anyone will take note of the incident, but that, if they do, their friends will come to their defense in light of any accusations. Survivors, on the other hand, may feel disempowered and shamed, believing they will be blamed for the incident because of their intoxication. Consequently, survivors tend not to report abuse and abusers continue unscathed.

There are a number of reasons why bystanders in these environments tend to offer little help. The party culture often functions on the basis of certain assumptions, which facilitates minimal intervention and leaves room for abuse to go unquestioned. Many of these assumptions stem from myths perpetuated by the media. For instance, the media commonly presents assault, abuse, and violence as perpetrated by strangers, not by friends or intimate partners. Thus, college students may assume any interaction between a known couple is just “how they are” and could not possibly constitute abuse. They may also attribute a couple’s behavior to their intoxication and dismiss it simply as the “alcohol talking,” not knowing that it could very well be an indication of things going on behind closed doors. Bystanders may not pick up on warning signs because they have not learned to identify them or do not look for them in people they know and trust. When alcohol is added to the mix, a student’s ability to make judgments is impaired and they are even less likely to identify such signs.

Alcohol also impairs a victim’s ability to make judgements, often leading others to blame them. Substance use, however, is far from the only factor leading to victim-blaming. One study showed quite simply that “if no cause for the abuse was presented, there was a tendency to blame the victim over the perpetrator.” Survivors of domestic violence are too often faced with this paradox: either there is a reason the offender decided to abuse, thus justifying the act, or there is no obvious reason why the offender decided to abuse and so the victim must be responsible in some way.

In any case, even if the law can find some kind of “fault” in a victim’s actions during the time of their abuse, should that prevent them from receiving help? Should that prevent them from healing physically, emotionally? Do only the wholly blameless deserve love, support, and resolution? Certainly not. And yet many people operate under such beliefs, preventing survivors from getting the resources and support they need.

Below are some real-life examples of how harmful practices like victim-blaming and justifying abuse have impacted survivors.

“I felt that there was no way my friends would have let this happen to them; that there was no way my family members, fellow students, or teammates would become a victim of unhealthy or abusive behavior.” – Chelsea

“The one time I was brave enough to eventually tell some friends the response I got was more damaging than it was positive. They told me it was wrong that he hit me, but they also judged me for ‘letting it happen.’” – Anonymous

“When I raised my skirt to show his mother the bruised knot that covered my thigh, she too, turned it back on me. ‘You know he has a temper. You are going to have to learn to keep your mouth shut.’ So, it was my fault? Was she right? I knew he had a temper.” – Amy

Read more about the Depp-Heard case and its impact on the issue of domestic violence under the article titled “Does Social Media Perpetuate Domestic Violence on College Campuses?”

Harmony House

The mission of Harmony House is to provide shelter, advocacy and education to survivors of domestic violence and promote the principle that all individuals have the right to life free of abuse.

Since 1976, our emergency shelter and supportive outreach case management programs have offered individuals and their children the opportunity to rest and heal both emotionally and physically in a supportive environment. We believe you. You are not alone and we can help!

If you or someone you know is living in an abusive situation, call 417–864-SAFE (7233) to speak with an advocate.

References

Delcambre, Renee Liana. (2016). Domestic violence in mass media: An analysis of messages, images, & meanings in motion pictures. Undergraduate Honors Capstone Projects. 614. https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/honors/614

Kilander, Gustaf. (2022, April 19). Johnny Depp tells of childhood abuse as mother was ‘suicidal’ and father told him ‘You’re the man now’ when he left. Independent. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/johnny-depp-amber-heard-trial-b2061170.html

Women’s Resource Center. (2015, February 11). Teen dating violence, a survivor’s story. Women’s Resource Center. https://www.wrcsd.org/blog/teen-dating-violence-a-survivors-story

MacMullin, M. & Hampton, S. (Hosts). (2021, April). For the offender, abuse is a choice: Exploring the mindset of domestic violence offenders and the concept of rehabilitating offenders through BIPP and other programs. [Audio podcast episode]. In Podcast on Crimes Against Women. Conference on Crimes Against Women. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0MTYgJJcdJ4v7sAMcvzRd2?si=4f6a76d8431f4939

Mosel, Stacy. (2024, March 8). Substance Abuse In College Students: Statistics & Rehab Treatment. American Addiction Centers. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/college

Groggel, A., Burdick, M., & Barraza, A. (2021). She left the party: College students’ meanings of sexual consent. Violence Against Women, 27(6-7), 766-789. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801220911462

Mendoza, Jennifer. (2016). Dating violence myth acceptance and victim blame among college students: Does gender matter? Electronic Theses, Projects, and Dissertations. 410. https://scholarworks.lib.csusb.edu/etd/410