Does Social Media Perpetuate Domestic Violence on College Campuses?

Over the years, social media has been used in various ways to uphold and perpetuate harmful myths surrounding both abusers and survivors of domestic violence. The Amber Heard-Johnny Depp case from 2022 was a striking case-in-point. The case was highly publicized, coming up in conversations at home, in the workplace, and (I can attest to this myself) on college campuses across America. It is just one example of the impact social media can have on college students’ attitudes and conceptions of domestic violence and abuse.  

The Johnny Depp-Amber Heard Case 

Open for public viewing online, the Depp-Heard case was quick to draw mass attention from the media and the general population. A prevailing ideology quickly arose across social media platforms. Johnny Depp was portrayed as the victim and Amber Heard as a “crazy bitch,” a “gold digger,” and a number of other derogatory terms. 

While the case was prevalent across all social media platforms, Tiktok seemed to play a particularly influential role. Users cropped, edited, and posted clips of the trial, taking them out of context and framing Heard as a crazy, calculating liar. They created memes mocking Heard’s distraught face in court, a sound of her crying began to trend on Tiktok, and on Twitter hashtags like #AmberHeardlsApsychopath and #AmberTurd rose in popularity. The whole thing was quite the ordeal, and many came to describe it as a “circus”1.What got lost in the midst of it all, was the fact that these were real people who had experienced actual abuse and who were suffering in the aftermath of it. 

Regardless of what you believe about the trial and its participants, it’s quite clear that social media played a large role. And, no matter how you look at it, social media did in fact perpetuate harmful myths about domestic violence on both sides of this case. One of these is the “perfect victim” myth. 

The “Perfect Victim” Myth 

The “perfect victim” myth consists in the idea that in order to be worthy of belief, support, and justice, a survivor of domestic violence must exhibit certain traits and not others. As described in an article by Time, she must be innocent, never drink, remember her abuse clearly, leave her partner immediately, and come forward reluctantly. She is a good mother, daughter, co-worker, never wronging anyone or making mistakes, never lying. In other words, “she does not exist”. It’s no surprise Amber Heard was unable to meet these standards. In fact, the media painted her in deep contrast to the “perfect victim.” Instead of leaving Depp immediately, she stayed in a relationship with him for years. Instead of remaining “blameless” in every aspect of the abuse, she fought back. 

The “perfect victim” myth perpetuates the idea that victimization and agency cannot both exist in the same individual. The myth fails to “grasp simultaneously the contours of women’s victimization and the ways in which women negotiate, resist, and cope with this violence in the contexts of their lives”. If a woman shows agency in speaking out or fighting back, it somehow detracts from the possibility that she could have also been a victim of abuse.   

Aware of society’s harsh standards, many survivors have expressed their reluctance to seek help. Emily Withnall is one of them. She reflects:  

“The myths about what constitutes ‘real’ violence and who counts as a victim causes us to silence ourselves, to doubt our own truths and experiences… For years I felt too much shame to tell the truth. I understood the ways I would be questioned. The ways I would be disbelieved. The ways I did not fit the mold of who is considered believable.”  

Ultimately, the perfect victim myth not only perpetuates misinformed ideas among bystanders regarding the nature of domestic violence, but it prevents survivors from disclosing their abuse and ensuring their safety.  

Another myth present in the Depp-Heard trial is discussed in the article titled “The Myth of Justified Abuse.” (Also linked at the bottom of this article).  

Representation in the Media 

Thwarted coverage of high-profile cases is far from the only way social media perpetuates domestic violence. The Depp-Heard trial was a particularly extreme example of how representation in the media can cause harm; however, other more subtle representations can prove equally harmful as they are upheld over time and embedded in a culture’s conscience.  

Social media is commonly used by college students as a source of news. This has become even more prevalent in recent years, leading to various concerns about accuracy and proper representation. Yet, while social media is particularly prone to distortion, even the most reliable media sources can perpetuate domestic violence through seemingly simple choices like the stories they decide to cover. Studies indicate that female abusers are disproportionately represented by the media, creating negative attitudes toward women – that they must provoke the violence against them, that they even deserve the abuse they suffer. A study in Australia found “newspapers focused on the method of the murder rather than the history of violence as if it was ‘more important for readers to know how but not why men kill their partners’”. News stories covering random attacks on women have also been overrepresented in the media, supporting another common myth. When people come to associate assaults, attacks, or abuse with random people and random incidents, they are less likely to watch out for or be able to identify them coming from an acquaintance, friend, or partner. In fact, the most common perpetrators of violence against women are not strangers or even acquaintances. The number one perpetrators are intimate partners. 

On a similar note, coverage of domestic violence is oftentimes sensationalized in both the news and on social media platforms. Stories might focus on a “tragic love story gone wrong” or only on the abuse that turns to murder in order to attract more viewers or gain more interaction with their posts. When the media sensationalizes abuse, it sets up an image of what domestic abuse is “supposed” to look like. Consequently, when individuals experience abuse that does not match this standard, they may not be able to identify it or may attempt to minimize it. Bystanders may do the same. Portrayal of abuse as a problem limited to marginalized people or people of lower socioeconomic status can also be harmful, leading many to believe domestic violence could not happen to them or anyone in their circle.  

Social Media as a Tool for Abuse 

Besides influencing ideologies related to domestic violence, social media can be used to carry out the abuse itself. An abuser can use social media to harm their partner by stalking, impersonating, isolating, or blackmailing them. This may be more prevalent for college students, as they tend to be more active on social media.  

It’s not uncommon for a couple to share passwords with one another, which means an abuser may be able to access their partner’s accounts. An abuser may isolate their partner by logging onto their accounts and sending messages or posting things that harm their relationships with others. This could occur with or without the knowledge of their partner. An abuser may also try to control what their partner posts on social media or who they can contact. Social media can be used to stalk a person’s daily activities, especially if they are particularly active on it, or to view their location. This can be especially dangerous in the time following a break-up from an abuser, a period when they may engage in stalking behavior and try to contact or harm their ex-partner. Ultimately, an abusive relationship comes back to control – and social media can be a tool for the abuser to obtain it.  

Social Media as a Tool for Good 

Despite all the harm just described, social media can also be leveraged to help prevent domestic violence and dating abuse on college campuses. It can be used to raise awareness and educate a community, share personal stories and unite survivors, or campaign for change. Even the Depp-Heard case served in a positive sense to bring awareness to crucial topics within the realm of domestic violence. 

Male Survivors of Domestic Violence 

The Depp-Heard case may have perpetuated some harmful myths about domestic violence, but it also helped shine a light on the reality that all people can experience it, even men. One in ten men experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, and one third of all domestic violence victims are men.  

The stigmas surrounding male survivors can be very strong, especially on college campuses. One study revealed that college students were less likely to view an abusive situation as serious if the victim were a male as opposed to a female. They were also more likely to ignore the abuse and to blame the male victim. Social media may play a role here: when primed to view gendered depictions of domestic violence, individuals were less likely to identify and view as unacceptable incidents of intimate partner violence involving male victims compared to female victims. When the media constantly presents males as abusers and females as abused, it reinforces stereotypes and primes people in a way that hinders their ability to identify male victims.  

Men are expected to be strong, to be leaders of the family, to have everything under control. They are not “supposed” to be victims of abuse, certainly not physical abuse, and certainly not at the hands of a woman. These harmful ideologies have been a part of the prevailing culture for centuries and deeply affect perceptions of male survivors. In studies where participants read scenarios depicting the abuse of a man, they made remarks like, “he should just take it like a man,” and “he should man up.” The expectations of society are certainly not lost on male survivors either. One hotline servicer reports, “I have guys that call me and say ‘I can’t be a victim of domestic abuse. How would I be a victim? I am a police officer, I’m a judge, I’m a solicitor, I work in the field, I can’t be a victim.’”   

Stigma around male survivors commonly prevents them from seeking help. A study which interviewed male survivors of intimate partner abuse showed they often chose not to call the police because they feared being ridiculed, not believed, or arrested. Research shows that, in instances where men did decide to open up about their abuse, they were often shut down or dismissed by the officials who were supposed to help them. Bystanders also perpetuate the issue, as they usually fail to identify male victims or they minimize the abuse. Thus, male survivors are often left with few resources to escape their abusers. 

Drew, a male survivor of intimate partner violence in college, shared about the impact of gendered stereotypes on his own experience. While he supported and did not seek to undermine the #MeToo movement in any way, he felt it “became a chant of ‘believe women’ instead of ‘believe survivors.’” He understood the majority of survivors were women, but experienced first-hand what it was like being the opposite of the prevailing stereotype – a man abused by a woman. When he filed with his university’s Title IX office, he faced disbelief and was ultimately denied justice. Although he faced negative reactions in coming forward, he does not regret it and encourages others to stand up to the stigma as well: “Coming forward helps prove to those reactionary deniers that this is everywhere, it’s systemic, and so much more common than we would like to admit.”  

Awareness & Education 

It’s clear that social media has enabled information to reach far greater audiences. On Tiktok, a search for “Domestic Violence Awareness” brings up over 144 million posts. “Abusive Relationships” brings up 143 million. Nowadays, someone who grew up with no exposure to domestic violence can be faced with the harsh reality through just a casual scroll on social media. They may come across a post or video showing abuse, revealing staggering statistics, or presenting information that challenges their previously held conceptions. Social media can be used in many ways by many different entities to fight domestic violence. Countless college campuses have demonstrated such. 

Many student organizations have social media accounts that aim to raise awareness and educate students on issues surrounding domestic violence, dating abuse, and healthy relationships.  

At Washington University in St. Louis, the student organization LIVE (Leaders in Interpersonal Violence Education) raises awareness through their Instagram account. Their posts include resources for domestic violence survivors, tips on how to support a survivor, how to spot the signs of domestic violence, and statistics specific to their campus.  

Baylor University’s It’s On Us Instagram account also aims to raise awareness about sexual assault and intimate partner violence. Posts cover topics like “signs you may be in a toxic relationship,” “myths and facts about sexual violence,” and “love or manipulation?” Other universities cover similar topics through their social media accounts. They also advertise events for raising awareness, provide zoom meeting links to hear from experts in the field, and share information that challenges common misconceptions. 

Survivor Stories 

Social media also provides a way for survivors to share their stories and help others recognize abuse in their own relationship.  

Miah Hu is one of these survivors, and she’s garnered over 82,000 followers on TikTok. She not only shares of her past experiences with abuse, but of her ongoing process of healing. She explains the legal barriers she’s faced in seeking protection for her child in the courts and what it’s been like having to see her abuser again. Having suffered a stroke at 25 likely due to psychological abuse, she continues to remind viewers that you don’t need bruises to be abused.  

Other survivors talk about their experience trying to leave. When is the best time? How do they get their money together? Where should they go? Will my abuser retaliate? Will I be safe? Because so many factors play into the decision to leave, survivors often ended up having to endure abuse much longer than they’d planned. 

Some users view sharing their stories on social media as a way of getting justice. One survivor shares how her abuser died before she could get justice in the courts. She warns others not to make the mistakes she did and hopes that she can help others avoid abusive relationships before they escalate. 

Another user shares the mistakes she made when leaving her relationship and tells viewers why it is so important to have a plan in place. Her page is dedicated to helping domestic violence survivors rebuild their lives after leaving, and she encourages others to share their experiences: “This is how we bring light to things that are happening behind closed doors in order for other people to recognize what is going on behind their doors.” 

The comments on these videos reveal their impact. People express how their views have changed, how they can relate to the healing process, and how they’ve become aware that their own relationship is abusive and that they need to leave. Survivor stories shared on social media bring countless individuals out of isolation, reminding them that they are not alone and that they too can have a life outside of their abuse.  

Campaign for Change 

Social media has the potential to create tangible and widespread change within the issue of domestic violence and dating abuse. As more people learn to identify abuse and understand the misconceptions behind the issue, survivors will be empowered to speak out, to leave their abusers, and to seek peace.  

The #MeToo movement is one example of how this has already been done. This campaign for change allowed survivors of sexual assault and harassment to speak out and have their voices heard. Many were able to seek justice and find healing. While the movement did touch on domestic violence, it far from covered it.  

An article by The New York Times titled “Domestic Violence Awareness Hasn’t Caught Up With #MeToo. Here’s Why” discusses this. There are a number of reasons why a public campaign like #MeToo presents some obstacles for survivors of domestic violence. For one, survivors may fear that speaking publicly about their abuse may reveal their abuser’s identity and may result in privacy and safety concerns. This is a very valid fear. In fact, some of the TikTok users mentioned in the previous paragraphs had their accounts discovered by their abusive ex-partners, who then began to send them harassing messages. 

There is also still a lot of stigma facing survivors who decide to speak out, explains Chief Executive and President of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Ruth Glenn. People wonder why the victim didn’t leave, why they let things escalate, or they assume that the victim somehow “provoked” the abuse. Survivors are well aware of this stigma and they fear not being believed. They’ve already seen it modeled for them in the media in various high-profile cases, the Depp-Heard trial just one of them. If celebrities who have fans and money and lawyers don’t get justice for the abuse they’ve suffered, why would an ordinary citizen expect to? 

There has, however, been an increase in awareness surrounding domestic violence. This is the first step. Once the public has a better understanding of the barriers to leaving, the warning signs, the characteristics of an abuser – once they reframe the way they view domestic violence and understand the issue in full, survivors will be better able to share their stories with an audience that will believe them and empathize with them.  

Laying the groundwork for survivors to speak out is not an individual endeavor – it will take effort from many people. No matter who you are, you can be a part of this movement. Whether you’re the president of your fraternity or sorority or you simply have your own social media account, there is something you can do to raise awareness about domestic violence. Educate and look out for those in your community, take a minute to share a post challenging common myths, and be sure to provide resources and support to anyone that comes to you with their story.  

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Harmony House

The mission of Harmony House is to provide shelter, advocacy and education to survivors of domestic violence and promote the principle that all individuals have the right to life free of abuse.

Since 1976, our emergency shelter and supportive outreach case management programs have offered individuals and their children the opportunity to rest and heal both emotionally and physically in a supportive environment. We believe you. You are not alone and we can help!

If you or someone you know is living in an abusive situation, call 417–864-SAFE (7233) to speak with an advocate.

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References 

1. Price, Jessica T. (2022, May 27). How the Johnny Depp case took over the Internet, and what this could mean for victims of domestic violence. Northeastern Global News. https://news.northeastern.edu/2022/05/27/johnny-depp-case/ 

1. Dockterman, Eliana. (2022, June 2). The Depp-Heard trial perpetuates the myth of the perfect victim. TIME. https://time.com/6183505/amber-heard-perfect-victim-myth-johnny-depp/ 

1. Randall, Melanie. (2004). Domestic violence and the construction of “ideal victims”: Assaulted women’s “image problems” in law. Saint Louis University Public Law Review: Vol. 23 : No. 1 , Article 8. https://scholarship.law.slu.edu/plr/vol23/iss1/8 

1. Withnall, Emily. (2024). The Myth of the Perfect Victim. The Plentitudes. https://www.theplentitudes.com/piece/the-myth-of-the-perfect-victim 

1. Matsa, Katerina Eva. (2023, November 15). More Americans are getting news on TikTok, bucking the trend seen on most other social media sites. Pew Research Center. https://pewrsr.ch/49Er7sE 

1. Meade, Amanda. (2015, November 24). Media often distorts domestic violence, study finds. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/nov/25/media-often-sensationalise-domestic-violence-reporting-study-finds 

1. Futures Without Violence. (n.d.). Perpetrator risk factors for violence against women. Futures Without Violence. https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Perpetrator%20Risk%20Factors%20Fact%20Sheet%202013.pdf 

1. Delcambre, Renee Liana. (2016). Domestic violence in mass media: An analysis of messages, images, & meanings in motion pictures. Undergraduate Honors Capstone Projects. 614. https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/honors/614 

1. Love is Respect. (n.d.). Guys can be victims, too. Love is Respect. https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/guys-can-be-victims-too/ 

1. Broberg, Rita. (2022, June 14). Why are men often overlooked as victims of domestic violence? The Centre for Social Justice. https://www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/newsroom/why-are-men-often-overlooked-as-victims-of-domestic-abuse 

1. Sylaska, K.M., Walters, A.S. (2014). Testing the extent of the gender trap: College students’ perceptions of and reactions to intimate partner violence. Sex Roles 70, 134–145. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-014-0344-1 

1. Bates, E.A., Kaye, L.K., Pennington, C.R. et al. (2019) What about the male victims? Exploring the impact of gender stereotyping on implicit attitudes and behavioural intentions associated with intimate partner violence. Sex Roles 81, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-018-0949-x 

1. Hammock, G.S., Richardson, D.S., Lamm, K.B. et al. The effect of gender of perpetrator and victim on perceptions of psychological and physical intimate partner aggression. J Fam Viol 32, 357–365 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-016-9850-y 

1. Hine, B., Bates, E. A., & Wallace, S. (2022). “I have guys call me and say ‘I can’t be the victim of domestic abuse’”: Exploring the experiences of telephone support providers for male victims of domestic violence and abuse. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 37(7-8), NP5594-NP5625. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260520944551 

1. Dim, E. E., & Lysova, A. (2022). Male victims’ experiences with and perceptions of the criminal justice response to intimate partner abuse. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 37(15-16), NP13067-NP13091. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605211001476 

1. Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. (n.d.). Drew’s Story. RAINN. https://www.rainn.org/survivor-stories/drewsstory 

1. Mervosh, Sarah. (2018, October 16). Domestic violence awareness hasn’t caught up with #MeToo. Here’s why. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/16/us/domestic-violence-hotline-me-too.html